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Best Books on Confidence Building by Priyanka ,  Feb 28, 2013

From the quietly confident doctor whose advice we rely on, to the charismatic confidence of an inspiring speaker, self-confident people have qualities that everyone admires.

Self-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, yet so many people struggle to find it. Sadly, this can be a vicious circle: People who lack self-confidence can find it difficult to become successful.

After all, most people are reluctant to back a project that's being pitched by someone who was nervous, fumbling, and overly apologetic.

On the other hand, you might be persuaded by someone who speaks clearly, who holds his or her head high, who answers questions assuredly, and who readily admits when he or she does not know something.

Self-confident people inspire confidence in others: their audience, their peers, their bosses, their customers, and their friends. And gaining the confidence of others is one of the key ways in which a self-confident person finds success.

The good news is that self-confidence really can be learned and built on. And, whether you’re working on your own self-confidence or building the confidence of people around you, it’s well-worth the effort!

How Confident do you Seem to Others?

Your level of self-confidence can show in many ways: your behavior, your body language, how you speak, what you say, and so on. Look at the following comparisons of common confident behavior with behavior associated with low self-confidence. Which thoughts or actions do you recognize in yourself and people around you?

Self-Confident

Low Self-Confidence

Doing what you believe to be right, even if others mock or criticize you for it.

Governing your behavior based on what other people think.

Being willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things.

Staying in your comfort zone, fearing failure and so avoid taking risks.

Admitting your mistakes, and learning from them.

Working hard to cover up mistakes, and hoping that you can fix the problem before anyone notices.

Waiting for others to congratulate you on your accomplishments.

Extolling your own virtues as often as possible to as many people as possible.

Accepting compliments graciously. “Thanks, I really worked hard on that prospectus. I’m pleased you recognize my efforts.”

Dismissing compliments offhandedly. “Oh that prospectus was nothing really, anyone could have done it.”

As you can see from these examples, low self-confidence can be self-destructive, and it often manifests itself as negativity. Self-confident people are generally more positive – they believe in themselves and their abilities, and they also believe in living life to the full.

What is Self-Confidence?

Two main things contribute to self-confidence: self-efficacy and self-esteem.

We gain a sense of self-efficacy when we see ourselves (and others similar to ourselves) mastering skills and achieving goals that matter in those skill areas. This is the confidence that, if we learn and work hard in a particular area, we'll succeed; and it's this type of confidence that leads people to accept difficult challenges, and persist in the face of setbacks.

This overlaps with the idea of self-esteem, which is a more general sense that we can cope with what's going on in our lives, and that we have a right to be happy. Partly, this comes from a feeling that the people around us approve of us, which we may or may not be able to control. However, it also comes from the sense that we are behaving virtuously, that we're competent at what we do, and that we can compete successfully when we put our minds to it.

Some people believe that self-confidence can be built with affirmations and positive thinking. At Mind Tools, we believe that there's some truth in this, but that it's just as important to build self-confidence by setting and achieving goals – thereby buildingcompetence. Without this underlying competence, you don't have self-confidence: you have shallow over-confidence, with all of the issues, upset and failure that this brings.

Tennis player Stan Smith once said, "Experience tells you what to do; confidence allows you to do it." Many people lack self-confidence and self-esteem. Instead of feeling capable and unstoppable, they feel scared and withdrawn. Professional counseling, life coaching and self-help books are available to assist in building confidence, courage and determination.

What's Holding You Back?

Co-author of "Chicken Soup for the Soul," Jack Canfield describes this book as "A must-read for anyone who would like to be more polished, poised, powerful at work, at home, in social settings, at school, and in sports." Author Sam Horn includes advice on the importance of a smile in making a good first impression, how to converse with comfort, how to stop falling into the comparison trap and how to put the past in the past and keep it there. The book is well-suited for introverts looking to boost their self-confidence and social skills.

It's amazing how many self help books there are out there all claiming to be the absolute best confidence book for you, isn't it?

They all seem to promise that quick fix to easily solve all problems, don't they? I know I've certainly read a ton of them. I think I've checked out every one that my local library has to offer, borrowed everything people will lend me and have spent a lot of money on buying ones that catch my eye in the bookstores.

Book Description

April 1, 2005Few other factors impact your life as much as your personal confidence. The Confidence Plan is a revolutionary guide that gives you a step-by-step process for building a more confident you. This smart and practical book addresses five essential paths to help you boost your self-confidence.Many people want to grow in confidence, but they try to do it without a plan. And while most confidence books may make you temporarily feel good, they fail to give you concrete ways to grow. The Confidence Plan changes that by offering a six-week practical program for taking your confidence to the next level.Using examples of unstoppable people whose mindsets have become even stronger than before, Dr. Tim Ursiny shows how you can do the same by following a step-by-step program focusing on:o Mental strategies for forming beliefs that lead to peak performanceo Emotional approaches for feeling a deep confidenceo Behavioral tactics for creating actions that lead to successo Relationship factors to develop a community that recharges youo Spiritual centeredness that creates unbreakable confidence by living your purpose and mission Dr. Tim's unique, holistic approach guides you through the science and habit of optimism and success, including: o Research on what makes people happy and successful o Links to free guides and resources for trainers, coaches and individuals o Practical, immediate action steps for busy people.No matter what your current level of confidence, The Confidence Plan can help you take it to the next level.

Book Description

February 1, 2012 0470016698 978-04700166951We could all use a little more confidence in our lives. With a push in the right direction, you can discover how to carry yourself confidently at work, at home, and even in relationships. This friendly guide shows you what confidence is and where it comes from, and offers practical tips and techniques to build on your skills, challenge your fears, and channel your energy into a more effective you.

Discover how to

  • Recognise your strengths
  • See things from a brighter perspective
  • Say 'No' with confidence
  • Build confidence in others
  • Raise confident children

Book Description

July 1, 2007The New Harbinger Ten Simple Solutions Series

Easy Ways to Appreciate Yourself

Learn to appreciate yourself with these ten simple solutions for building self-esteem. These easy-to-grasp tips for fostering a positive sense of self distill and add to many of the best, most effective techniques from the author Glenn Schiraldi's successful Self-Esteem Workbook. They draw on techniques from Eastern and Western traditions; mindfulness practice, thought-watching, strengths appreciation, and more. With the simple solutions in this book and a little practice, you can discover what a wonderful and valuable person you really are.

Book Description

March 10, 2000You never again need feel powerless in the face of uncertainty, awkward with strangers, or helpless in new situations. With What's Holding You Back?, Sam Horn shows you the way to a solid sense of self-assurance that doesn't depend on where you are or who you're with. This is a practical, user-friendly program that is filled with techniques you can begin using immediately. In With What's Holding You Back? you will learn how to:-Walk into a room full of strangers and turn them into friends. - Be a self-coach rather than your own worst critic, able to turn mistakes into lessons instead of failures.- Converse with comfort and never again worry about what to say.- Go places alone and have fun instead of being intimidated.- Spring free from the comparison trap.With Sam Horn's down-to-earth advice, amusing anecdotes, and no-nonsense wisdom, this valuable guide will benefit anyone-- regardless of background or circumstance-- who wants to move through life with ever-present grace, serenity, and strength.

Ask Yourself 3 Little Questions In a Specific Order And You'll Completely Change Your Life

3 Questions That Will Change Your Life book cover

That sounds like a bold claim doesn't it? But, it's absolutely true.

So, how do the 3 questions work? Whenever you're feeling bad, you ask yourself the first question. Feeling bad could be: angry, frustrated, hurt, irritated, or even when you realize you're procrastinating or feeling bored.

This question enables you to suddenly see what's really happening behind the situation.

How many times have you said words you regretted because you were reacting to feeling angry? Or sent off that email you wished you could take back when you were annoyed with someone or doubted yourself and felt you didn't have the courage to do something you wanted? Situations like this won't happen anymore because even just the first question will provide you with the clarity to understand what you're really feeling and why.

It separates you from the feeling of the emotion to understanding what you're feeling. When this happens, you gain control over your thoughts. You'll see the situation from a different perspective and you'll calmly choose your response instead of unthinkingly reacting to the emotion.

If you're now thinking, "I don't have time to do a deep analysis of what I'm feeling during a crisis?", there's no analysis. That's one of the beautiful things about this system. It's so simple. Once you know this technique, you'll find you'll be asking and answering this first question in a split second. And, in that split second you've managed to gain control over the situation instead of it controlling you.

And, that's just with the first question!What about the other 2 questions? What do they do?The other 2 questions build on the first one and quickly and easily move you past the initial problem or issue right into solving it in the most efficient and productive way.

It also provides you with great insight into yourself and you'll suddenly understand why you've been acting and reacting the way you have. You'll now be able to work with your own thoughts and feelings to move you forwards. Previously, you may have found that your feelings of fear or self doubt were causing you to self sabotage yourself or you wouldn't finish what you started or you'd just feel like you were trapped in an endless circle of frustration. With this technique, it'll be such a relief not to have to deal with that anymore.

Book Description

February 3, 1998An inspiring step-by-step guide to overcoming self-doubt and achieving personal and professional success.

Based on his popular course at the New School for Social Research in New York City, in The Confidence Course the former Marine, renowned storyteller and editor of Parade Walter Anderson teaches you how to choose what you want to be. In 20 interactive lessons, complete with excercises and real-life examples, Anderson offers rules to live by that can positively transform your life.

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